How "Being Raised" Shaped Me

I really have been thinking about what makes people so different lately.  I never really put more than the feeling that I just don't get along with that person; but why are other people the way they are?  I ran across something and it was talking about the ways you were raised vs other people and it made perfect sense.  How do you resolve a conflict with someone who will never understand where you are coming from or you may never understand where they are coming from thus causing disagreements.  

I was raised one way and you were raised another way.  The way you are raised shapes the person you do, do not or kind of want to be. Growing up with the same 'guidelines' does not mean you will think or be the same way as say a sibling.  There are many things that go into who we are and besides surroundings and teachings, it ultimately ends up as the choice of the individual.  We all grow up in different backgrounds and react differently to the situations we experience.

You realize overtime that it isn't easy or common for truth to be spoken, owned up to or provided by others. People construe the truth, decide to not communicate something that must be communicated which causes grief. Naturally when someone reacts or communicates with you in a way that you were taught and understand to be dishonest, rude or inauthentic it catches you.  Not necessarily because you don't like it, but because you were shaped that way.   Many people know better without having been raised well; and plenty of people were raised well, but don't know.

  For me it is "CAUSE and EFFECT"

Cause- When I was a little kid my life was unstable, whether it was hopping back and forth between schools, states or homes even though my mom tried the best she could. 

Effect- I do not like moving at all because it makes things seem unstable and unpredictable.  I want to make sure even more now than ever I give my children the most stable life possible.  This means not moving around, not changing schools, or even having our children in daycare or after school care because of work schedules.   I am blessed to not have to work currently, but we have to sacrifice time with my husband.  My husband works really long hours and is gone most of the week so I would feel like it would make our children's lives unstable because they would hardly see us if I worked too.  My choices are slim and the job market here isn't exactly booming, so of course schedule options normally start at nights.

Cause- As I younger child, growing up in a very chaotic and hostile environment. 

Effect- I try to keep my children from being exposed to those kind of situations.  When those situations are caused by others which causes me to have extremely high anxiety in addition to infuriating me.  Some think its good to let loose like that;  I agree to a certain extent, but not in front of little kids.   I know what it made me feel like as a child and I don't think children should be in those kinds of situations ever.

Cause-  I went through 2 step parents due to my father dying when I was 8 days old.  They were both abusers of different kinds. One physical and verbal and the other sexual abuser and mental abuser.

Effect- My husband means the world to me and I want to make sure my children always have their father and live in a safe and loving home.  I am very leery of adults being around my children; especially men because often abusers are people close in your life.  At least in my situation and pretty much every one I have heard of they were.  I don't post many pictures of my children on the net because I want to protect them as much as possible. 

Cause- Extremely strict rules- be seen and not heard pretty much always, elbows off the tables, respect your elders, no jumping or abusing furniture, no being loud or raising your voice EVER, always use manners, dress appropriately, good grades, lots of consequences and so on. 

Effect- This turned out to be an understandable one, to a point.  I expect my children to use manners,  respect their elders, be honest, I dress them appropriately, we expect them to behave in public and not horseplay or be loud.  I see so many children that lack parental control or manners it makes me cringe.  I think part of me was traumatized from certain parts of my childhood and it was just something that I was etched into my brain as how it is supposed to be and I expect nothing less from mine.  I do believe children should use manners, be courteous and respectful.

 Cause- Being very poor and wearing hand me downs and clothes my mom had to sew together or draw designs on got picked on all of the time.  I didn't understand why as a little kid because I like the clothes my mom puffed painted up with cool designs.  I just wanted to be a cool kid or the kid that made friends easy because of me not because of what I was wearing or where I lived.

Effect- I want to make sure my children have a decent selection of clothes so they are less likely to be picked on because of it.  We teach them that everyone is different and comes from a different background so be nice to everyone and clothes do not matter-people do.  I love 2nd hand stores with gently used clothes and I am not against hand me downs.  I will not spend a bunch on money on clothes because they grow out of them so fast.  I try to teach my children about how special and unique they are and they can like and be whoever they want to be.

My husband and I both agree on stability and giving our kids better than what we had. We do disagree on a few things having to do with family but I really feel like it is from how we were raised.  I am thinking about doing a post about a few things my husband and I agree and disagree upon via what were raised on. 
I think everyone will always have their different opinions and be shaped differently from certain things they were exposed to.  Its all in what you take away from it whether you allow it to affect you positively or negatively. 




1 comment:

Rachel said...

Great post! New follower via the bog hop.

Rachel
http://www.postcardsfromrachel.com

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